How Much I Love You
by grissom07
Summary: Sara longs to be with Grissom. Grissom longs to be with Sara. Will they get together or will they hate themselves for loving each other. GSR
1. Chapter 1

**How Much I Love You** – Chapter 1

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_(Yeah) Hey  
That's how much I love you (yeah)  
That's how much I need you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
And I can't stand you  
Must everything you do  
Make me wanna smile  
Can I not like it for awhile  
(No..)_

After being rejected by Grissom, Sara couldn't help but drown her sorrows. She went home alone like usual and drank some beers, alone as usual. She just wanted to be mad at Grissom, but every time she thought about how mad she was she could see his smiling face. Then she would forget all about it. She hated how he had such a hold on her and he didn't even realize it. If he would just admit that he had feelings for her then maybe they could be together and she wouldn't hate herself for loving him so much.

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_But you won't let me  
You upset me girl  
Then you kiss my lips  
All of a sudden I forget  
That I was upset  
Can't remember what you did  
But I hate it_

Immediately after rejecting Sara's invitation to dinner Grissom regretted it. He went home and had a glass of scotch before he went to bed. He was never one for drowning in his sorrows. He had one glass and went to bed and tried hard to forget it ever happen. But this wouldn't go away. As sleep finally found Grissom he went back to when he first met Sara. It was at his seminar. She was the cute, intelligent, brunette that kept asking questions. In his dream he saw all the coffee and dinner "dates" they had. While he slept a smile crept up on his face. Since it was a dream though something changed. Just before he left for Vegas he got in a fight with Sara. He dropped her off at her apartment and even though he was mad at her he still walked her to her door. Before she went in her apartment she kissed him passionately and his heart melted. They proceed and went in her apartment and then he woke up to the buzzing of his alarm clock. He shut off the alarm clock and rolled to the other side of bed. He realized it was all a dream. He sighed and got in the shower and ready for the night at work. He decided he would avoid Sara as much as possible. He felt really bad about rejecting her invitation to dinner.

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_You know exactly what to do  
So that I can't stay mad at you  
For too long, that's wrong_

Sara noticed the next shift that Grissom was avoiding her. So she made an effort to appear just to see him cringe. He was only making her madder by avoiding her. When he finally came to his senses a couple of shifts later and asked her to dinner she couldn't help but forgive him. She hated how easy that was for her to do. It shouldn't work that way. She shouldn't' be able to go from wanting to kill him one moment to totally forgetting everything happened and going to dinner with him the next moment. She wondered if tonight was the night something would change. Did Grissom finally come to his senses? Would she still have to hate herself for loving him so much anymore?

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_But I hate it  
You know exactly how to touch  
So that I don't wanna fuss and fight no more  
So I despise that I adore you_

Grissom's plan to avoid Sara didn't work very well. If he didn't know better he would have guessed that she was trying to show up everywhere that night. A couple shifts later Grissom gave in. He asked Sara to dinner and hoped he wasn't too late already. He wasn't. When the bill arrived for their meal Sara reached for it as if it was an instinct. She was used to eating alone. She was going to pay for her half anyway. Grissom reached for it at the same time though. In that subtle moment that their hands grazed each other they both felt electricity flowing through their bodies. "I got it covered," said Grissom as he picked up the bill and looked into Sara's eyes across the table. Their eyes locked and stayed that way for a little while until Grissom looked away to look at the bill. Grissom took Sara back to the lab to get her vehicle and on his ride home he decided he never wanted to fight with Sara anymore. He was starting to hate the feelings he felt for Sara.

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_And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah)  
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you)  
And I hate how much I love you boy (Ooh)  
But I just can't let you go  
And I hate that I love you so.._

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_And you completely know the power that you have  
The only one that makes me laugh_

Grissom went home and reflected on the dinner "date" he just had with Sara. He laughed at how stupid he was to wait. He remembered how she laughed at some of his stupid jokes and her laugh made him laugh. He wondered if she realized how much power she held over him. He couldn't help but smile when she was in the room even if it was for only a split second. He knew he had to do something else with her. He couldn't just continue to take her to dinner. But what could he do next with her? Does she even still want to do stuff with him after this dinner "date"? Those thoughts could wait until later. He was tired now so he went to bed.

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_Sad and it's not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I  
Love you beyond the reason why  
And it just ain't right_

Sara drove herself home and when she walked into her apartment she broke down. She finally had a "date" with Grissom and she still wanted more. She hated how she was feeling. She felt selfish but she really felt like she needed Grissom in her life to make her whole. She wondered if the dinner "date" was a one-time thing or if it would ever happen again. She didn't keep her hopes up. After all it was Gil Grissom he is unpredictable. Sara was so tired but she couldn't sleep. She ended up crying herself to sleep like most nights because she kept wondering what would happen next and only thought about how Grissom could've been just being nice to her tonight. She hated how she doubted the relationship that she had once thought was starting with him.

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_And I hate how much I love you girl  
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah.. yeah)  
And I hate how much I love you girl (ooh)  
But I just can't let you go  
But I hate that I love you so.._

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_**TBC.. There's more to this song so there is more to the story. Keep reading and please review.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**How Much I Love You** – Chapter 2

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_One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me  
And your kiss won't make me weak_

After a couple more shifts of working side by side with Sara, Grissom finally worked up enough courage to ask her to dinner again. This time Sara's car was in the shop being fixed so she was going to have to either call a taxi home or have someone drive her home anyway. It was perfect in Sara's eyes. She could finally get somewhere hopefully with Grissom if she invited him in after dinner. They laughed and talked during dinner. It was nice spending time together outside of work. When Grissom took Sara home after their dinner he walked her to her apartment door. As Sara searched her purse for her keys she asked if he would like to come in for some coffee or something. He hesitated at first and then as if someone slapped some sense into him he gladly took the offer and joined her inside. Sara started a pot of coffee for the both of them and then joined Grissom on the couch as they waited for the coffee. She made sure she didn't sit too close to him but not too far away. It was quiet at first. Sara stole a glance at Grissom. As she looked back down at her hands in her lap Grissom stole a glance at her then looked back down to his feet. The next glace that they tried to sneak at each other ended up at the same time and Grissom quickly and shyly glanced back down hoping Sara didn't realize what he did. The coffee was ready then and Sara got up to get it. She poured them each a cup of coffee and then returned to the couch next to Grissom and handed him his cup. "Thanks," he said as he took the cup of coffee. It was quiet again as they both sipped their coffee.

"Are we just going to go on dinner 'dates' every once and a while or are we going to have a relationship that isn't just being friends?" asked Sara very bluntly.

Grissom almost choked on his coffee. He wasn't expecting it. "Umm… I…" He didn't know what to say. He wanted to do more with Sara than just dinner "dates" and he wanted to be at least a little more than friends, but he didn't know how to go about it. "Well… I hope we don't just ah… go on dinner 'dates' every once in a while. Ahhh…" Grissom was stuttering he was a bit uncomfortable and he didn't understand why. Sara could make him nervous at times. She could see that he was a little nervous and a smile crept up on her face as she giggled to herself. "What?"

"Nothing," said Sara trying to hide her laughter.

"You're laughing at something," Grissom's nerves seemed to ease.

"I just think you're cute when you're nervous that's all," said Sara quietly, so quietly that Grissom almost didn't hear her. He was shocked.

Grissom set down his coffee on the coffee table and then turned on the couch to face Sara. He took the coffee cup from her hands and put it on the coffee table next to his. He returned his attention back to Sara and put his hand gently on her cheek. Sara smiled and wondered what would happen next and what was going through his mind. "If you want to be more than just friends then that is just what we shall be," said Grissom with love showing in his deep blue eyes.

"I'd like that," said Sara quietly as she placed her hand on his hand that was over her cheek. His thumb pushed some hair out of her face as he pulled her towards him and leaned the rest of the way to place a gentle kiss on her soft lips. Sara returned the kiss only to deepen it and Grissom returned it with passion. They spent the rest of that night wrapped up in each other's arms on the couch until they fell asleep.

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_But no one in this world knows me the way you know me_

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_So you'll probably always have a spell on me.._

As Grissom slowly woke the next morning he could feel the sharp pain in his back from sleeping the way he did. He cursed it until he opened his eyes to see Sara wrapped up in his arms next to him. He smiled and the pain in his back seemed to ease. Grissom knew things would never be the same anymore. Sara had a hold on him now and until she decided to let go he would do what ever she wanted him to. He prayed that the day she would move on and away from him would never come.

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_Yeah Oohh Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah (That's how much I love you)  
How much I need you (How much I need you)  
That's how much I love you (That's how much I love you)  
Oh need you (That's how much I need you)  
I need you_

It was the start of a wonderful relationship. They kept it a secret from the people they considered family because they didn't want that one person to find out. They went back and forth between Sara's apartment and Grissom's townhouse until a year after they started their relationship. That is when Sara moved into Grissom's townhouse with him. They both loved each other deeply and they didn't need to say it to express it. They shared a look that expressed everything they were feeling for each other when it was shared. If anyone had really took the time to realize this look they would be able to see the lust, love, passion, and happiness in both their eyes. Their "family" would have been able to guess what was going on between them if they would have just taken the time to notice the intense look they shared when they just needed to let each other know how much they loved and cared for each other.

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_And I hate that I love you sooo...  
And I hate how much I love you boy (Hey)  
I can't stand how much I need you (I can't stand how much I need you)  
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...ooh)  
But I just can't let you go (But I just can't let you go, no)  
And I hate that I love you so_

When the miniature killer kidnapped Sara and their secret was out neither really cared. It just meant they could be more open with each other when the team was together. Sara chose to move to swing shift not only because she cared about the team and didn't want them to lose their mentor, Grissom, but also because she cared deeply about Grissom and didn't want him to lose his students. She had learned so much from him since she met him and she still would since she planned to be with him until the day death separated them.

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_And I hate that I love you so.. so.._

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_**THE END..**_

_**The song that inspired this story and is used in this story is "Hate How Much I Love You" by Rihanna and Ne-Yo. I fell in love with the song the moment I heard it and had to put it in a story and here it is. Hope you enjoyed it. Please review.**_


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